In the Moment

Perhaps this will seem like something of a contradiction from the post about moving on, but hey.
Its been about 6 weeks since my doctor confirmed what I’d suspected for awhile, the black dog had gone. The PPD/PND was over.

I learned a lot about living in, embracing the moment. Some 15 years ago when I was at Bible college, the lovely matron Liz said something like ” So often we are afraid to feel pain”. We were talking about my latest broken heart/brusied ego, but its one of those comments that come back to me from time to time.

Liz wasn’t talking about physical pain; but the wounds we pick up in life. The unmet expectations, bitter disappointments, the heartaches. Her advice was not to rationalize it, remove it, medicate it, avoid it – but to feel it, stay in it. That if processed properly, I’d discover that it would not be anywhere as overwhelming as a feared.

I think at time I probably didn’t take it on. I was afraid of pain, of grief. I couldn’t trust that the tears that flowed would eventually ebb. I couldn’t risk feeling so awful with no promise of an ending. My answer was to take control of the situation with my own methods of pain avoidance!

But I see the wisdom in her words. I’ve found this year that when I’ve stayed “in the moment”, I’ve learned a few important things

Pain sucks.
Pain does ebb even if the tide is high at first.
Pain is nowhere near as overwhelming as the fear of it.

Living in the moment, even the long ones – I’ve found the moving on easier as a result.
I still don’t enjoy feeling pain, cos that would be weird. Its just that such moments are another opportunity to face a broken heart,disappointments, unrealised dreams and expectations.