Yesterday, along with about 60 other women, I went on a bus tour.  I wasn’t going to see any grand tourist destination but quite the opposite.  I went on a tour of 10 ministries which are reaching out to some of the most poor and marginalised of Oklahoma City.  OKC has some depressing and perhaps surprising statistics.  For example, Oklahoma incarcerates more women per capita than any other state in the US.  However, it is probably the same as most cities world-wide in that babies are abandoned, children are abused and ignored, there are thousands of homeless each night, many young adults have no-one to turn to when they face trouble etc.  It was quite an eye-opener and an emotional rollercoaster.  We heard story after story of individuals of all ages who had experienced horrific situations, but because they had been reached out to both practically and with the love of Jesus, they had found that their life had been transformed.

One story was of a woman who had grown up with a single, drug pushing mother.  They pretty much lived their lives on the streets and were in and out of the homeless shelter.  When she was older she also got into the drug scene.  As a teenager she was given the opportunity to go on a Christian camp.  She did and there she accepted Jesus as her Lord and Saviour.  A while later a family offered to take her in, although that idea did not appeal.  However, she decided for the first time to pray and ask God what He wanted her to do.  She felt Him say to go and live with them, so she did.  She restarted her education and is now married to a guy who has continued to encourage her in life and in her relationship with God.  A while ago, she felt God ask her to reach out to other homeless and struggling families.  They now have the beginnings of a ministry of their own, offering low cost housing and other support to those needy people.

A couple of years ago, some good friends of mine left their comfortable lives in Southern California to live with their two young children on the same street as the homeless and addicted.  They are leading a radical group of young adults to transform that neighbourhood.

Unlike them, I don’t think that God has made my primary calling to be the poor.  However, I don’t think I’m let off the hook either.  Years ago I stayed in a virtual mud hut in the Philippines and the family killed one of their 3 chickens so that I could eat.  Now I’m living in my virtual palace and I have to think.  What is God asking me to do with the poor who are almost on my doorstep?

I now have various lists from the places I visited yesterday with practical suggestions of what I can do.  These ideas range from donating food or lightly used children’s clothing, to cleaning streets, to mentoring children (or even those in the juvenile detention centre) to fostering a baby.  Currently, I’m thinking about what my family and I can be engaged in.  As I’m talking about it to friends and neighbours I already have quite a group of people around me who would be interesting in helping out too, including those who we’re discipling towards faith in Christ.

“From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”  Luke 12:48b.

Globally speaking, God has blessed me ABUNDANTLY.  What am I going to do with the riches He has entrusted to me?

Of course there is a time and season for everything under heaven.  Whether, and for whatever reason, it is a time of more passive leadership and abiding (as in the parable of the vine and branches in John 15), a time of just ‘being’ and spending more time with the Father.  Conversely, it could be a time of more active, even aggressive leadership, of working really hard (without burning ourselves out).

The key for knowing all of this is to permanently (or as often as is realistically possible) keep our eyes fixed on Jesus (Heb 12:2).  We need to keep on asking Him, ‘what am I to do here and how do I do it?’

It is so easy when times are good to think we know what we’re doing and to cruise on autopilot.  We can be tempted to give out of our own resources rather than the overflow of what God’s put in us.  We can easily be distracted by good/ interesting /fun things that are going on around us (which are not bad in and of themselves).

When times are more difficult, we may have so many urgent and pressing things or people competing for our attention.  How easy it is to respond to one demand after another.  It can be hard to find time to really seek the Lord.  What is the thing that He would deem as urgent and how would He want me to go about it?

This is one of those basic truths that we all know but sometimes forget to implement. I have to keep on reminding myself of what I’m aiming for.  Who am I trying to please?  Am I getting my priorities right?  I’m assuming that this will be an ongoing thing for us all to master.  Or is it just me?!

If we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses (those whom we lead and whose lives we affect, both in and out of the church), then let nothing hinder us, but let’s run with perseverance and fix our eyes on Jesus!

Ponder:

• How is your rhythm for spending time with God and working out what He wants you to do in your present situation?
• Is God calling you to a season of abiding/resting/focussing more on Him?  Or is he telling you to go?

For me, some of the characteristics that I admire are people who have passion, integrity, authenticity, a godly character, a real (and dynamic) relationship with Jesus, a life which is marked by self-sacrifice.  A man or woman who has vision, who is out there leading the way and setting the example, someone who is able to communicate that vision and has enough patience not to get frustrated when things don’t quite go according to plan or not everyone immediately jumps on board!  To get all these things in one person would be a miracle – who’s perfect, hey?!  But these are all great qualities and something most of us aim for.

Whether we are the leader of a large church or a small group facilitator, sharing from the well of what the Lord is speaking to us about – and doing currently in our life – is genuine and has great sincerity.  It also shows those around us that we are all on a journey, that God continually has a fresh word for each one of us.  Modelling a healthy response to that word and then sharing what happens (both good and bad) as a result of stepping out in obedience can be hugely powerful.  Leaders need to have testimony of what God is currently doing in their lives.

One of the women in our church recently shared how God had been talking to her about getting out more into the community.  Unsure about what to do, she and her husband simply invited about 30 from her missional community to meet in a local park and see what God would do!  They noticed a woman with young children wandering around, obviously looking for something, with her kids becoming increasingly agitated.  It turned out she had lost her car keys, so the group all searched the park for them, doing so until sundown.  When they couldn’t find the keys they decided to pool money from their purses to pay for a locksmith to open the car and get it started for her.  This level of servanthood and generosity made a massive impact and tremendous God conversations followed with the woman and her family.

Stories of how God is working in other people’s lives prompts me to step out of my comfort zone, to pray more and to have greater faith for how God can work through me too.  Hopefully I will then see more fruit!  This then becomes a process that we encourage in those we lead.

God is our loving heavenly Father who loves to talk to and interact with us.  He is always speaking to us, revealing more of Himself to us.  Sometimes He is saying a lot, sometimes it is one word or just a gut feeling.  While the truths in the bible are unchanging and eternal, God breathes freshness over His word through His Holy Spirit.

• What is God saying to you at the moment?
• How does that affect your leadership and those you lead?
• How can you encourage those you lead to hear from the Lord and to act on what they hear?

We have also known extreme lows. Having to deal with the huge moral failure amongst other leaders when we were on staff at a large church is one such example. My husband was propelled into the senior position and by the grace of God the church didn’t collapse around us.  When the whole situation exploded, our summer vacation was cancelled and church members, in their hurt, were blaming us for something which was completely out of our hands.

Unfortunately, we have known pain at other times too.  Sometimes it’s been loneliness or isolation, sometimes powerlessness or being habitually ignored.

In each of these situations we’ve know that this is where God would have us be!  Many times we have asked “Why?” and wondered what on earth God could be doing.

Of course, God knows exactly what’s going on even if the situation and reasons for why God is allowing something to happen differ every time.  However, one of the things that God will be wanting is for us to trust Him and to be TOTALLY dependent on Him.

So, when you’re crying yourself to sleep again and asking “Why?” for the hundredth time, we need to make sure that one of the first things we do is to pour out our hearts to Him.  The psalms can be a really helpful guide.  They express lots of raw emotion but come back to God’s infinite love for us.

Worship songs can be healing and releasing.  They show that it’s not just about us but about God and His big plan.  Learning to praise regardless of our circumstances is powerful spiritual warfare, as is praying in tongues.

Prayer and fellowship with other Christians around us, plus just having lots of fun and remembering to laugh are SO important!  We must focus on the positive and what we do have.  Let’s make the most of the good things that we CAN do in the current circumstances which may not be possible when the situation changes.

We need to trust God despite the pain, disappointment or frustration.  We need to have hope that even if God is teaching us something through this, His will isn’t to keep us trapped here.  There WILL be something better to come!

I commented to my neighbour who saw some of this, “Wouldn’t it be great if we had perfect children?”  Her wonderful response was that it would be rather boring!  “A kind of boring I could live with,” I thought!!

But then I considered how it is with God and us.  It would have been so easy for Him to create us as beings who were totally submissive and obedient – almost like robots – and I thought that actually I was glad to have free will.  However, if on occasions my kids annoy me, how often must I be utterly maddening to God?

Lately it’s been fascinating to watch another of my sons who seems to have suddenly grown up a lot.  I’ve been amazed at his confidence, his humour and his general maturity in a variety of different situations.  I’ve been even more proud when other people have given me positive feedback!  Of course, I raise my eyes in desperation when a minute later he’s mean to his brothers or is very immature in other ways.  What happened to my little boy?!  But it’s good to know that all those years of loving guidance and discipline are (sometimes) beginning to pay off.

I wonder how often God watches me with a warm and proud heart?  Over the years how much progress have I made as He has nurtured me?  Do I still get angry in the way I used to when someone rubs me up the wrong way?  Am I as self-centred as I was?  Do I talk more easily and freely and from a well of greater depth about my faith and friendship with God?

A good, strong, positive relationship is one of the most important and meaningful things that we can offer to our kids and, as they mature, they can offer back to us.  Of course, God doesn’t sin in how He relates to us, so that puts the responsibility of cultivating a good relationship with Him squarely on us (hopefully with the help of some close people around us).

I sometimes talk to God (or the kids) as I go about my day to day life: when driving in the car, clearing up the kitchen or when out for a walk.  I’d like to do it more!  However, I also need to make sure I don’t miss out on that ‘special time’ reading with the Lord or just talking to Him in a more intense way.  It can be hard both to have those ongoing snatched moments with the Lord and to pursue those quality times of ‘digging in deeper’.    Isn’t it wonderful when your kids sit on your knee or beside you, snuggle up and you talk or read stories together?  Isn’t it incredible when someone you love says ‘I love you!’?

Ponder

As you look back on the last 12 months, how would you say you have matured spiritually?  Where specifically do you think God is lovingly challenging you to mature right now?

Most people who have been in leadership for a reasonable length of time have found that on various different occasions, to varying degrees, they have been let down, hurt, even betrayed, by those they trusted so deeply.  Whether it is because of deliberate sin or whether it’s just that the enemy has found a foothold somewhere and managed to break down a relationship.- whatever the cause, it can make life incredibly hard.

Unfortunately, no one is perfect (ourselves included) and the devil is out there trying desperately to tear down whatever the Lord is building up.  Conflict is inevitable!! 

The principles that Jesus lays down in Matt 18:15-17 are a great starting point for moving forward in such situations.  They centre around going straight to the person with whom you have an issue, and one-on-one speaking directly to them.  This is generally a hugely counter-cultural thing to do, yet is so powerful in preventing the sickness of broken relationships infecting the wider body of Christ. 

Not taking others’ comments too personally is also important – sometimes we just need to grow a thicker skin!  Being open and honest in a loving and humble way, having someone to whom we are accountable, as well as having a sense of humour, can also go a long way to prevent relationship breakdown.

Of course, sometimes there is a huge rift and the pain goes really deep.  Our first reaction may well be to retreat to a safe place.  Alone time with the Lord is good where we can pour out our hearts to Him and to seek refuge in His arms (some of the Psalms can be great to meditate on). 

Sometimes it’s helpful to go to mature Christians who can act as a sounding board and give you a wise, objective point of view.  Getting prayer support is key to bring encouragement to you and to stop the enemy from making the situation worse.

Succumbing to bitterness and resentment could be so easy.  However, doing so will actually imprison you rather than anyone else.  Of course the narrow, difficult path is the path to freedom.  Choosing to bless those who curse you and offering forgiveness is a daily act of discipline.

I know that I have tendencies to ‘get on my high horse’ and assume that they are the ones mostly in the wrong!  However, I presume that Jesus would prefer me to withhold my judgement and instead to seek reconciliation and extend grace.  Reconciliation does not mean that from now on you will be best buddies with that person, but it does mean that if and when you come across them you can look them in the eye and genuinely ask after them.  Remember Ephesians 6.12:  ”Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

Jesus knows exactly what it’s like to be let down and betrayed.  For how long did He know that Judas would betray Him?  Even so, Jesus still poured His life into him up to that point of no return, and presumably included Judas in His mind when He prayed from the cross for forgiveness for those who had put Him there.

Regardless of others’ behaviour, we are answerable to God for ourselves.  No matter what darts have been thrown at us, let’s fix our eyes on Jesus and not be distracted by the good and bad around us.  We will continue to face both the joy and the heartache that relationships bring until we reach heaven.  Let’s choose to keep our hearts malleable and pure, as we seek to walk blamelessly before the Lord.

I would argue that as leaders a sense of calling is crucial.  It gives you focus and something to aim for.  It also brings reassurance that you are in the right place at the right time.  When initiating something significant, it helps hugely to know that it was God who called you to a specific task.  I have heard it said that the stronger and clearer the calling, the harder the task at hand.  I imagine that’s because when those trials and questions come, you can go back to that calling and hold onto the promises God gave you.

Think of Moses, who at the burning bush was given the very daunting task of leading the Exodus.  He was not at all sure, so asked God for signs.  In spite of God answering in numerous ways, he still ended up trying to wriggle out of the call.  In the end God got really angry with him and just told him to get on and do it!  Years later, with the moaning Israelites, Moses would continually point them back to God and the call on them as a nation.  No doubt in those times of trial he would go back to that initial, very clear call on him too!

Surely it’s good throughout our ministry to keep going back to that initial call.  Additional words which are added in as we make that journey help to focus, bring greater clarity, and possibly new direction, to our mission.  We also keep our spiritual eyes open to see what the Lord is doing through us at any particular time.  Where have we been, and where are we currently, producing fruit?  Where do other doors seem to be opening for us today?

When there is confusion, you have doubts or things seem to be disintegrating around you, go back to basics.  What is the Lord’s calling on you?  These could be general themes like certain bible verses.  There will also be certain specific words from God, or maybe which other Christians have spoken over you.  What do you sense the Lord is saying to you at this time?  Talk these ideas over with another mature Christian and make sure people are praying for you!

Remember 1 Thessalonians 5.24:  

“He who calls you is faithful and He will do it!”

I would argue that as leaders a sense of calling is crucial.  It gives you focus and something to aim for.  It also brings reassurance that you are in the right place at the right time.  When initiating something significant, it helps hugely to know that it was God who called you to a specific task.  I have heard it said that the stronger and clearer the calling, the harder the task at hand.  I imagine that’s because when those trials and questions come, you can go back to that calling and hold onto the promises God gave you.

Think of Moses, who at the burning bush was given the very daunting task of leading the Exodus.  He was not at all sure, so asked God for signs.  In spite of God answering in numerous ways, he still ended up trying to wriggle out of the call.  In the end God got really angry with him and just told him to get on and do it!  Years later, with the moaning Israelites, Moses would continually point them back to God and the call on them as a nation.  No doubt in those times of trial he would go back to that initial, very clear call on him too!

Surely it’s good throughout our ministry to keep going back to that initial call.  Additional words which are added in as we make that journey help to focus, bring greater clarity, and possibly new direction, to our mission.  We also keep our spiritual eyes open to see what the Lord is doing through us at any particular time.  Where have we been, and where are we currently, producing fruit?  Where do other doors seem to be opening for us today?

When there is confusion, you have doubts or things seem to be disintegrating around you, go back to basics.  What is the Lord’s calling on you?  These could be general themes like certain Bible verses.  There will also be certain specific words from God, or maybe which other Christians have spoken over you.  What do you sense the Lord is saying to you at this time?  Talk these ideas over with another mature Christian and make sure people are praying for you!

Remember 1Thessalonians 5.24:  “He who calls you is faithful and He will do it!”

However, as I considered this passage more deeply, I realised that it wasn’t there to crush or diminish me.  As a woman the temptation can be to compare myself unfavourably with others, to put myself down and always to think ‘I can’t…’.   

At the same time, someone spoke into mine and my husband’s lives about ‘Calling’ – what and who was it that we were called to (long, medium and short-term)?  We looked back over words that people had spoken over us; thought about what we were good and gifted at, recognised where we had seen fruit, and thought about what we enjoyed doing.  The Parable of the Talents came to mind (Matt 25:14-30).  I had been given certain gifts/talents and I needed to use them well and wisely, or eventually they would be taken from me.  Presuming I was submitted to the Lord, and once I felt I was happy that my household was running pretty smoothly, what ‘field’ did God want me to get hold of?  What vineyard was I going to plant?  What fruit would I produce?

Maybe this was the encouragement that I needed to step out of my comfort zone, in my case to look seriously into that tiny business venture that I had been thinking might both be quite fun and also a marvellous evangelistic opportunity.

Reflect

When reading this passage, women may come to mind who you think are great examples of a godly wife.  The challenge is to be inspired and not intimidated by them!  The important thing to realise is that they have different callings and giftings to those which you have been given, but you can be encouraged and spurred on by their example.

God has put great and unique things into each of our lives.  We need to have faith to step out and use those gifts.  I continually try to ask myself in any situation, ‘What is God saying to me?’  Of course, we then need to follow through!  So the second question is, ‘What am I going to do about it?’ 

So, what is God saying to you about your ‘Calling’?

What are you going to do about what you are hearing from Him?

Make sure you process through your responses with a trusted friend.

I was musing on ‘The Shack’ by William P Young. It’s about a guy with a religious background who goes through some horrendous experiences.  The book describes his journey and portrays the idea that Christianity is all about relationship with God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. 

My experience of people today, particularly those with a post-modern outlook, is that they are dubious about old-fashioned religion but eagerly desire meaningful relationships. 

My train of thought then went to the dual aspects of parenting and the Bible!  Put very simply, the Old Testament is more focused on law while the New Testament is more about grace.  It’s a bit like parenting.  You have to have the law as a framework – no lying, stealing, fighting.  Bedtimes are at a certain time.  Hitting your brother is not a good idea.  Chocolate is a treat to be enjoyed when I offer it, not whenever you want it. 

But then over the top of that is a layer of grace where the rules can be bent a little.  “Maybe you can go to bed later for this special occasion/ as it’s the weekend”, or “Just for today I will let you eat more sweet stuff than usual”.  If you only offer law, you produce rigidity, frustration, anger and rebellion.  If you only give grace, you produce spoilt children with little self-discipline or self-control, who have virtually no respect or recognition of boundaries.

I remember when my first child was born.  I was amazed at the intensity of love that I felt for this helpless, needy bundle.  There were lots of unspoken hopes and dreams for this baby, but the thing that I was looking forward to most was spending time coming to know and just being with this person.  This was the beginning of a long (and hopefully close) relationship.  I would imagine that God feels just the same about us. 

How would an objective, external observer view the balance between law and grace in your household at the moment?

As God’s ambassadors on Earth, could we also offer unconditional love and meaningful relationship to those around us who think of God as remote or non-existent?