The Colors Of Us.

It was a poignant afternoon. Our eldest daughter came home  from kindergarten with a booklet on Dr. Martin Luther King and she told us all she’d learned.  About the backs of buses and schools and water fountains. About Dr. King’s role in changing the way people thought and lived. Her father explained how significant this was for our family, that if these changes hadn’t come, we could never have been together.

There was something so beautiful in the confused look on our daughters faces when Chris said that. They just didn’t get it, it didn’t make any sense to them. Our girls are born in the era of the Obamas. When they see him they shout – “He’s butterscotch, just like us!” and to them its perfectly normal that they’d see themselves in the White House. When they see Michelle Obama, they say “Mom, she’s just like you!” and its no big deal to them that a woman of color, with ebony hue, would grace the global stage.

They don’t know it hasn’t always been this way. They don’t know they names I was called, even at their age or those that my bi-racial friends were called, or that in other times and places that my white friends were called. They don’t know the story of their dad and me. They don’t know the names we were called , the things that were said, from sheer hatred, through to the sheer ignorance. And it saddens me that one day they’ll come to me with angry tear stained faces , and I’ll know that from personal experience, they’ll know.

But not today. Today we went to the beach and walked along carefree and happy in a family where love knows all colors and celebrates them, and I willed the sun not to set on their innocence for another day.

So its with renewed gratitude I reflect upon the lives of those who lived, fought, died, so our families could peacefully walk hand in hand. And I’m thinking and praying of how the walls of separation can continue to come down, especially in the church – the most segregated place in this wonderful country that’s now our home. Tragic isn’t it? It saddens and frustrates me. We’ve got to keep growing in this. Somehow we’ve got to embrace what the reconciliation offered on the cross, means for true healing and  harmony across different races . As salt and light… surely we’re to be the example, the model for what this could be? I wonder…

Anyway, in the meantime we  have our lives now. So I’m considering how our family can best celebrate Martin Luther King Day. Because this day is truly ours; it celebrates the colors of us.

Posted in Archives, Family life, Reflections | 13 Comments

Whatever happened to Generation X?

One of our kids favorite TV shows is Yo Gabba Gabba, and as parents we’re happy to admit we love it too. Its the kind of kids TV show you watched as a college student. Bright, wacky and somehow cool; attracting SNL comedians and actors .  With bands like Roots and Weezer teaching kids life lessons, its got a pop,  indie and hip hop soundtrack that pretty much sums up the cultural diversity within our family. So when Yo Gabba Gabba Live came to town, we had to be there. It was total fun, balloons, songs, dancing and DJ’s. The girls were almost as excited as we were.

At one point Biz (as the kids know him) came out to teach the kids some beat-boxing just like he did on TV. Saliva flew everywhere as a few thousand preschoolers demonstrated their skills.Then suddenly he changed direction, but somehow he sounded familiar. Not to the kids, but to me. And every other parent there. And he began:

You, you got what I need

Spontaneously a few thousand adults responded

But you say he’s just a friend, but you say he’s just a friend!

And for a minute or so we weren’t parents anymore: we were teenagers again, young adults again singing along to some old skool tune that was poppy hip hop and fun. So we sang and we danced and our kids saw a glimpse of something else about mommy and daddy. As I looked out at the crowd, I  thought, There you are. Here we are. We’re still here. I smiled at my Generation. X.

The moment stayed with me and I wondered , So what did happen to Generation X? Years ago our churches lamented over us; a missing generation, broken by the broken homes and untrustworthy institutions and a world that had so forgotten our name,  we were merely X. For the few of us that were Christians, there were prophecies of hope and redemption, a calling of a Generation who would be known for a different kind of Cross.

The prophecies and predictions were all so exciting, even glamorous at times…

So what did happen? Life.  Some of us got jobs, got married, had kids.  We bought, sold, even lost houses. We experienced joy; we faced tragedy. We grieved and mourned as life and death forced us to admit our mortality and our non invincibility. We became like our parents, our metabolism slowed down and we became ordinary.

Did we miss it – the call? The redemption? The impact that we could have?

In my opinion not necessarily. In fact I think the decisions we made each day,  even this day will contribute  to our legacy as a generation. We may not have realized this in our younger years, but this , life , mundane ordinary, jobs,  family, highs and lows everyday life is where it all mattered . This is what the visions and dreams pointed to;this gift called Life. That God would infuse our every day ordinary journey, so that we might affect other peoples. We may not travel the world with a life changing message, but perhaps we could befriend a colleague and a neighbor and see their lives changed. We may not speak before the masses, but the kind of friend, spouse, employee, parent  we become will speak volumes on how much Jesus shapes our lives. Our lives are probably quite ordinary, but by His grace and power we will see extraordinary things.

So to all you Gen Xer’s out there.. After the dreams and the visions…What happened next?

Because though like Biz  we arrive up in unexpected places doing unexpected things, God hasn’t finished with us yet.

Posted in Calling, Missional Living | 2 Comments

Whatever happened to Everywoman…

Well there’s the long story and the short story. And I guess there is somewhere in between.  I guess the Not Your Superwoman post was kind of prophetic. Well I was speaking to me anyway. When Everywoman began, I wasn’t working , and I was looking for an outlet for some of the things I felt the Lord had laid on my heart. And then  the year kind of ran away with me. Life with its twists and turns, raising a young family, a husband with a both challenging and inspiring job, a book to write. And then, a job  of my own which I love. Its unfolding opportunities to invest and disciple leaders, men and women in a way that I’d only imagined. Yet this new directions has demands of its own that I need to attend to. We’ve moved state, leaving Arizona, for the coastal climes of Southern California, and we’re embarking on a brand new life. Its wonderful, exciting , consuming.

All the while different everywoman writers were being drawn into new adventures of their own, new journeys and opportunities. And some we’re not facing anything new, just needed to give more to what was happening in their lives.

And so reluctantly, I had to admit I couldn’t continue Everywoman as it was as a web magazine. My life was too full and it wasn’t working. I needed to retreat, make it simple. Maybe just write my own little blog again, something less ambitious. And my heart, conflicted little thing it is had multiple responses. Disappointment. Frustration. Relief. Dare.I . Say. Excitement.

So that’s what I’m going back to. A little blog.  The everywoman archives will be around in the background, marking a wonderful year in the life of a phenomenal group of women. And the rest will be the reflections of an ordinary woman, on an ordinary blog. With an extraordinary God.

Hope you’ll stick around.

Jo

x

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The Blessing of Forced Rest

Since landing in the UK three weeks ago, snow has been on the ground constantly.  Whilst pretty, the snow has hampered our ability to move around and the cold has forced us inside. We have been made to stop, to rest, to do nothing.  Some of our plans have been called off.  We have been unable to see friends we had planned to see.

 Yet, I know that this is God’s blessing to us. 

 Seeing the white snow is a constant reminder of the rest forced upon us.  A cold but comforting blanket of protection on our lives.

It made me think: what is happening to the plants and trees faced with freezing temperatures? They have gone dormant.  I discovered that certain plants die above ground and the only growth that happens is below the surface.  The bulb and root systems become hardier, and when the warm weather comes again they grow back faster and the plant is healthier.

 Thinking of Biblical rest I thought of the command in Leviticus 25 to leave fields to fallow every seven years.  Today we know that fields that are left fallow like this, have better soil, natural fertilizers, rebalanced chemical levels and produce healthier crops when made productive again. 

 But lack of productivity is uncomfortable.  It feels lazy and against everything we are taught by our striving western culture. 

But I am choosing to embrace it because I know that this is God preparing me for future fruitfulness.  It is a time where he is strengthening root structures and turning over the soil.  A time he is using to re-balance elements of my life.

Now when I look at the snow, I think of the strengthening that is going on out of sight.  And I thank God that that is happening in my life too.

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Wineskins

Mark 2:22 you know better than to put new wine into old wine-skins.  They would burst.  The wine would be spilled out and the wine-skins ruined.  New wine needs fresh wine-skins.

Structure is important!  Think of all the routines/structure/boxes that you have going on in your life – whether they are self-appointed or imposed by others.  Some are particularly good and really helpful.  Take the example of a morning routine – shower, breakfast, cleaning teeth, some sort of devotional time.  Or traffic laws, without which there would be absolute chaos!

Sometimes however, we can get so rigid in our structures and routines that we forget the bigger picture and sometimes the aim of what that structure is there to facilitate.

Last night we hosted a discussion with some of our missional community leaders – all lovely and very capable people.  One couple in particular had got very focussed on their group and how they were trying to make it work.  The over-riding impression we got from listening to them was one of tiredness (why is this not working?) and of frustration (we have all these openings with our non-Christian friends and neighbours but no time to pursue them as we’re too busy trying to make our group work).

Another leader came up with the passage of the wine skins.  Throughout the centuries, the ‘wine’ or the essence of the gospel has not changed.  Society and individual situations, of course have!  Sometimes we need new wine skins.  Let’s be creative, think outside the box and not necessarily be a slave to the structure.  Does the structure serve us and God’s purposes or do we serve the structure?

What is God calling us to do, both individually and as a group?  Can both of those callings work together?  Do the existing structures help or constrain?  Let’s ask God to breathe His life and energy in and through us and what we are doing.  May we and the whole body be used to draw others into an ever deeper relationship with Him in as many ways as possible.  May we not lose sight of our ultimate goals.  Let’s seek to bring God’s Kingdom to those people and situations that He has placed us with/in.  Let’s ask God to reveal to us the best way of doing that.

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Rain Boots

It was tiring. Very tiring. And I was glad it was nearly over as I could see my house just a few yards away. It took me over an hour to walk the dog this afternoon, mainly because of snow. The grounds were slippery and I was really struggling. But there was just one more thing that didn’t help, not at all. Rain boots. I know they are design to keep you dry and help with walking in the snow, but not these. These were my husband’s rain boots. I wear size 6 and he wears size 12! And I was tired.

And just in those last few tiring steps I was reminded about a simple lesson.

God has designed each one of us in a specific way. He has placed each one strategically “for such a time as this” (Esther 4:14MSG), in a precise place giving us particular roles to fulfil His purpose.  In Romans 12 Paul talks about the Church being one body with many parts being the members. He talks not only about the different gifting and roles we have all been given. He also recognises the need to say: “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you” (v.3).

I know there have been times in my life were I looked at others, who had more experience, more involvement and more recognition in the life of the Church, with a slight jealousy in my heart. I thought that, if only I prayed more, gave more time and effort in my church, perhaps I would be that little bit more valued. And, of course, the Lord gives us times to learn important lessons. That it isn’t about being ‘valued’ because our significance lies in Him. And I’ve learned to get on with what I’ve been entrusted with, for this time now, without complaining and striving. But I know I’m far from perfect.

I will not be wearing my husband’s rain boots. They are his boots. They are his size. They fit him. They have been made to fit bigger feet than mine. And those rain boots fit his feet perfect.  Just like someone else’s ministry fits them perfect. And plus, walking in something that’s far too big for me is SO exhausting!  I’m not even going to try again.

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Not Your Superwoman

One of my favorite singers in my teens was a soul singer called Karyn White. She sang this classic ballad about a man she gave her all to, whom took her for granted. In the chorus she finally takes her stand…

I’m not your Superwoman, I’m not the kind of girl that you can let down and think that everything is OK, Boy I am only human….

Well I’ve found myself singing those words to myself recently!  

Still somehow  our culture and our own human weakness seems to  embrace the ideal of Superwoman, the woman who can conquer every part of life, amazing marriage, beautiful home, smiling kids, a great career and a flawless figure. Make her a Christian too and she knows the Bible inside out…

In this era when women can allegedly “have it all”, when is it all too much to have?  Is opportunity ever a bad thing, or does it just has to be taken simply because it’s there?  Like you I wear a lot of hats – there are the relationships I play, there is the job I have and then there’s the stuff that I either want to do or just needs to get done. There’s so much to do, think about sort out, it’s easy to go through the week in a state of perpetual anxiety; no rest, no fun, and definitely no space for God.

Until I feel it, sense it. Not merely being out of my depth, but somehow out of sync with life God and reality. Our Creator’s designed us for life to the full, not life that’s too full. He shaped us for communion with Him and community with other people, for relationships and responsibilities. And when I violate that rhythm it eventually begins to show in my attitudes, in how I spend my time, in my temperament, perhaps even in my dreams! In trying to be it all, yes my priorities got blurred, my energy sources depleted. Superwoman comes at a cost, one I’ve realized I am not prepared to pay. I don’t want to live to prove myself as success, when the gauge for success is broken and unrealistic. I don’t want find affirmation and security in what I can achieve, somehow feeling more worthy and acceptable that way. I don’t want to come to God and present how well I’m doing, I’d rather come to him for empowering and instruction. So I am admitting I am only human, and that something needs to give and some things probably need to change

How about you – Superwoman? Or Only Human?

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End of Year Review

1208854_new_years_calendar_2For some years now, the end of the year has been a time where I’ve done a review. Amid the festivities and pressies and food, it’s been the ideal time to take stock of life and begin to seek God for the coming year. It’s turned my New Year’s Resolutions into a spiritual discipline and helped me get some focus for the time ahead. Review times have been times of thanksgiving and celebration for breakthroughs, but also wrestling times over unanswered prayer and difficulties. They’ve help me gauge what’s really happening in my relationship with the Lord, and how what he’s doing in my life. As a result, they’ve become an essential part of my relationship with God.

Whilst lots of things come up, my review is broken into 3 main parts. In my years at St. Thomas, we used the Lifeshapes discipleship tools, one of which was called the TRIANGLE. The triangle explores the 3 priorities we see in Jesus life – Up, a relationship with the father, in – relationships with his covenant community, other believers, and an OUT relationship to the world around him. So adapting what I learned, my review was broken down into the following

How am I doing spiritually? It covers prayer, bible study, spiritual battles and deserts and breakthroughs. Am I secure in my relationship with God as my Father, am I surrendered to God as my Lord and King?

 How am I doing relationally? This area looked at how my friendships were doing, relationships with guys, and my single years. Now it focuses on my marriage, and kids and friendships. But as I attend to this area, it would highlight attitudes and insecurities, frustrations, how I dealt with conflicts, as well as how God had met me through the people in my life

How am I doing physically? This area worked twofold: on one level it looked at some of the practical areas of my life, money, health, work, etc. How well was I engaging with life in the real world as it were? But then it  also explored calling, and witness and social action. Had I shared Jesus with anyone, who was I seeing come to faith? How active were my relationships with non Christians? How am I engaging with the Lord’s call on my life? How am I responding to the pressing issues and needs of the world around me?

So that’s how I review the year. How do you take stock of what is happening in your life?

 

(for more info on LifeShapes – check out www.3dministries.com)

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Betty Back Up

There’s a girl I used to know called Betty Back Up. I wonder if you know her?

Betty is a strong attractive woman, with lots going for her. But some of the nagging insecurities that get to every woman  have gotten to her in such a way that she doesn’t believe that someone will fall for her, that it will ever be “her turn”. She hides behind all sorts of things, work, humor, serving others…but finds herself spending  far more time of the sidelines of love than she would like.

It’s not that she isn’t popular; she has lots of guy friends. In fact she often has very close friendships with some guys.  Maybe one guy. They pour out their heart to her, cry with her, pray with her, trust in her, and hang out for days with her. But they go out with her…friends. Or frenemies! She’s affectionately called a sister, or even a mum, but not “my girlfriend”. She’s the backup plan; she’s the one who’s there until some other one appears. And before we blame guys for this and get all man hater about it, make no mistake; there are just as many back up Brad, Brian and Billy’s (Haven’t we ever had those men in our lives who we were quite content to leave close enough to affirm us, but far away enough so we are still available for the men we really want to go out with?).

So what’s going on? Well Betty (or Brian) can blame the opposite sex for their unscrupulous behavior, and they may even have a point. Still,  should some of the responsibility lie with Betty herself?  Betty’s in love and won’t admit it; she likes the fact that people ask what is going on with her friend, because it’s better somehow. She’s felt in the shadows for so long, it’s nice someone is even thinking of her in that way, even if it’s not the guy himself. A totally legitimate need is met, at least partially. And the time she invests, the emotional connection, the deep conversations, the everything, feels so affirming (when it doesn’t feel so lonely), and it stems the loneliness for awhile. It’s better to be the backup for awhile, right? Right?

There’s only one problem; it’s not real. It’s real in the sense that it’s happening, but not real in the sense of really going anywhere. And somehow we spiritualize not confronting it, asking about it – because “the best thing is to wait” “surely it’s the guy’s job to bring it up, it’s not right for a woman to lead the relationship” – when actually – we – I mean Betty – fears the rejection of the answer we suspect we’d receive. If we invest more – maybe he’ll finally see what the relationship should be going, and finally commit to me as much as I’m committing to him.

Where does it all end for Betty? When he finds someone else, Betty is left broken and hurting, but since it was not official anyway, she’s got no reason to be so hurt. So it’s all internalized, and feels so unfair, but she just has to get over it.
What does that do to her hope, her confidence, her sense of self worth, her relationship with God? On the surface things seem OK. Inside – it’s disappointing, heavy on the heart. She might cynical about relationships, bitter about men, even though she longs to settle down. Sometimes Betty is so disillusioned that her relationship with God is strained too….

I once knew a young woman called Betty Back Up, a gorgeous woman who stood in the shadows of almost relationships, afraid to walk into the unknown with the Father, just in case He let her down. Have you ever met someone like her?

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An Ever Growing Presence

I don’t know about you, but it seems that many woman who were/are expecting are faced with many an uncomfortable comment about their pregnancy.

For example, the day I told my fellow teachers I was expecting my first. One of my colleagues piped up, “I knew you had gained weight.” For the record I had actually lost weight at first, and then only gained 1 lb my first trimester…thank you.

It is almost as if pregnant women have the capacity to eliminate all tact and common sense to all passersby. Like one quick glance at the belly zaps it out in an instance.

When I was 5 months pregnant and just beginning to fit into maternity clothes another unbelievable comment was made. I was standing in line at my father’s visitation…yes it happened here. A man coming through the line hugged me, gave his condolences, then proceeded to look at my baby bump and say, “Any day now, huh?” What?!?!

Well I was in too shocked and exhausted to respond with something I’d have regretted. My husband assured me that I did not look 9 months pregnant.

So if you’ve experienced similar situations, I feel your pain. They are just one of the many memories you will hang on to, and hopefully laugh about, for years to come.

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Christmas Soundtrack

Over the years my feelings towards Christmas have ranged from frustration, to outright hostility to ambivalence. Obviously, it wasn’t the reason for Christmas that posed the problem. It was everything else, I guessed, I thought. The rampant commercialism and all that.

I have two preschoolers and knew I had to approach this year differently. And for some reason, I wanted to. The girls had begun to change me; how could I be so cold in the face of such innocent excitement? In spite of myself I began to feel excited, I began to feel optimistic and hopeful. Though, in all honesty, I wasn’t sure why. I adopted a Christmas radio station – Christmas Songs 24/7, uncertain of whether it might send me crazy. It did quite the opposite. My first thought was that a Christmas song and its royalties = the best pension scheme ever, and if every my kids want to be songwriters I’m going to encourage them in this direction. Hey I might try a few lyrics myself.

But my second thought, my third, my fourth, well…

My thoughts were flooded with memories. The Little Drummer Boy, took me back to being four years old, and thinking that a child like me could think about Big Things like Jesus seriously ( I know that’s a little intense for a four year old, but what can I say). Then Last Christmas, reminded me of when I first fell in love. Not some teenage first flutter, but the overwhelming love at first sight that happened to me when I first saw George Michael on Top of the Pops singing Young Guns.  I was 8 and I knew I would never be the same. It took years to recover. I was 22 when I finally let George go. Fact.

Then there’s Band Aid’s Do They Know it’s Christmas – the original version. I love hearing that song. Even though I get pretty harsh on generalizations on Africa normally, all is forgiven on this song. Firstly because it’s a great song, that I remember feeling proud to buy. Secondly it gave us a bit of a conscience, it reminded us to care. Thirdly and yes the last shall be first I guess because George Michael was there.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas – bring up different kinds of memories. That song is so poignant. Its then I remember the people I’ve lost, even though it wasn’t at Christmastime, the grief comes in a different more potent way. I’m reminded of friends for whom the Christmas season was marked by life changing tragedies. I feel the weariness of a long year when I hear that song. And often I feel the weariness of the long years, the past. The feeling that the promise and excitement fell short somehow. And I knew that feeling, that disappointment, that loss lay behind everything I’d felt about Christmas through the years.

What surprised me most though, was the realization that that was how I used to feel, how is used to be. I don’t feel that anymore. Redemption came in two preschool faces with giddy smiles. There are new traditions, new memories. It’s a whole new day with a whole new life; so new that the past became irrelevant, even forgettable. So yes I LOVE Christmas. I love the tacky decorations because they horrify me whilst they make me kids laugh. I love Santa movies because they are utterly saccharine, but I don’t care. I can even embrace the grief, because though I have lost, I have lived and loved and people are worth remembering. And the thing I love most with my wonderful family, we even have our song.

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Smile

Picture NYTfrom the New York Times.

 

We smile because we can’t speak. At least not in the same language, not quite, not yet. So we try with our eyes and our hands and expressions to communicate  - to show that we are interested, to welcome, to befriend. I’ve learned a couple of words, but their English is way better than my Nepali. But I’m learning.

For one hour a week I try to communicate with our new Bhutanese friends, and its sweetly awkwardly sweet. I bow and say “Namaste” by way of greeting and I can see its appreciated. We photocopy the Bible passages into Nepali – and God’s word becomes accessible.  We had this great Sunday School curriculum for the kids at church, and its utterly useless right now because we have yet to work out how to communicate.  And right now it seems that a church play set without broken glass, and scooters and trikes and toys are  God’s smile of provision that means more to these children in this strange new world. And we talk, but most of all we smile.

For me it’s one hour a week, but for them? I remember how bewildering it was when we first moved to the US, navigating the system, the roads,  the bureaucracy, even the food. And we moved a team, in a world where we speak (mostly) the same language. How bewildering must it be to move here, from a refugee camp to an unknown world? It’s as though the struggle has just begun again. And no matter whom a refugee was in their home country, now they had to start again, usually from the bottom up. I once watched a series called the New Americans which featured a number of refugees who in their former land were business leaders, entrepreneurs, journalists and political activists. Now in the US they were cleaners, kitchen porters and hotel maids. They’d learned to not hand in their resumes (UK read CV), so people wouldn’t learn quite how qualified they were. Makes you think.

We are learning new things daily, and leaning on the Lord for direction. In the meantime, our friends have practical needs. Clothes, skills, forms, language learning, and we can be His hands and feet for that. We’ve learned from Nepalese and Bhutanese Christians we’ve met that most have become Christians through encountering Jesus in dreams or a family/community member being healed in the name of Jesus.  So we’ll practice what we preach, and we’ll pray for the power of God to meet them where they are at. And we’ll smile until to find the words to communicate everything we want to say.

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For the least of these…

Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.’

Matthew 25:40

He did tell us to get ready. He reminded us that the harvest was plentiful, and that as we went out – we’d reap it.

A couple of months ago, a group from our church, ( a motley crew of all ages and background if ever I saw one) connected with an apartment block near our church. Just across from our church is a sprawl of never ending apartment complexes, the most densely populated part of the state. Economically deprived communities, they house many of the forgotten, refugees, ex offenders, people relocated from the devastation of Hurricane Katrina. We were connected with one apartment block by Lutheran Social Services, and began to think of ways to serve. We started with a free BBQ and crafts for the kids, and the offer of prayer to anyone who wanted it.

I remember driving into the apartment complex for the first time, with my kids in the back. This was a complex housing refugees from many different countries. I saw the playground, broken glass in the sand, and a metal play set – impossible to play on in 100 degree heat. Next to the boundary walls of the complex ran a telephone wire, with a solitary pair of sneakers hanging from them, marking gang and drug territory. “Welcome to America” I muttered, and pulled my kids out of the car to join in with the festivities.

It was a hot day, but over the next two hours we connected with loads of families. Most were Bhutanese. We did lots of kid’s crafts and resolved to use only chicken hot dogs in future, because people looked at the meat really suspiciously. We offered prayed and tried hard to communicate with hand signals and odd words. And it doesn’t matter how loud you speak, or how slowly, another language is another language. But somehow by the end of the time – we made a connection, a God connection. And we knew we would return.

I had conflicting emotions as I drove home that day. I was angry. Where is the church I demanded, somewhat judgmentally. How are people supposed to live like this? How is this a  place for them to raise their kids. These were refugees; it’s not like is been an easy life to begin with. And now they’re dumped in the ghetto? Why aren’t we doing  something, anything? And where are these gangs and dealers anyway? What are we doing about them. I felt embarrassed at our own ineffectiveness; I felt foolish for the times I’d debated about worship songs, or how to do church, and wondered how often I am distracted from The Great Commission. I think sometimes God lets me get provoked and ask these questions and then lets me hear the silence. In the silence ( well not complete silence because the girls are chatting in the back about My Little Ponies) I remember exactly how you live like this – you just do. In the silence, I remember the impact of Christian urban missionaries who moved into our lives like an unstoppable force of love, compassion and the power of the Spirit. My heart was set on fire and my life was changed. Forever. And to His silence, I responded with my own. Which meant: I get it, I know what you’re saying . Bring it.

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The Blind Side

the_blind_side06

When a Nashville friend of mine discovered Facebook – the first group she joined was entitled thus

“If you love a Southern woman raise your glasses; if you don’t, raise your standards.”

As I watched the Blind Side, that statement rang through my head repeatedly. The Blind Side recounts the true story of Michael Oher, now footballer for the Baltimore Ravens. Growing up in Memphis, Tennessee, Oher’s mother was a drug addict. He’d received little help or attention in his childhood, staying in a number of friends homes, and had been consistently passed on and ignored in the education system. His background bore the classic marks of a forgotten young man who could ultimately become a crime statistic.

Against social conventions, Sean Tuohy and his wife Leigh Anne took him in, and employed a tutor to help him secure his grades and eventually become Oher’s adoptive family. It’s an amazing story of how a family and Leigh Anne in particular  was prepared to fight for was needed, no matter how confrontational or uncomfortable for those involved – all for the sake of one young life. Leigh Anne (played by Sandra Bullock) was strong and assertive, warm, but not the kind of woman to be messed with. She wasn’t afraid to confront her friends’ bigotry, to ask difficult questions even of herself, to move from questions to action, to take in a stranger and raise him into a man and a son. Faith that is lived.

When you read interviews of Leigh Anne Tuohy in person, you see that Sandra Bullock captured her well. You’ve gotta love a Southern woman like that. Raise your glasses, indeed. 

Leaving the movie I reflected on how much investment people need to become all they were created to be, and how difficult it is when they are not given opportunity. Can we ever mentor without sacrifice? Can we invest in generation without a fight? And can we penetrate the broken communities of our cities, without inviting people into our lives, families, potentially even our homes? In Oher’s case, his life was transformed, with the help of people, teachers, friends, families who were prepared to be more than sympathetic, but were determined to get involved.

Who are we called to, where are we drawn to get involved?  Whose lives are we called to today?

Where does our faith live?

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The Princess and The Frog

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I am not into the Princess thing, but I have two preschool daughters so I am hardly going to avoid it. I’m just accepting it as a phase that too will pass. But it was a no brainer that I was taking them to see the Princess and the Frog.

I’d heard a few negatives about it actually. Why did the first African American Princess have to be the one turned into a Frog? Was the Prince not African American for a reason? How could it be set in New Orleans forgetting Katrina and all the racial politics within? Does it just play into old stereotypes and ignore reality?

It’s always difficult being the first, the one breaking new ground. The weight of expectations and longing, of righting perceived or real wrongs, the pressure to be definitive, to heal to communicate to represent can be immense. So much so that we can forget that its very presence IS a breakthrough, IS a success. We forget the transformative power found in simply by what we see.

So what did I see? I liked the New Orleans of the movie. Alongside the more nostalgic style of animation was a New Orleans of old; vibrant with music and hospitality, whilst still revealing the racial inequities of its time. I saw a young black woman who was vibrant, hard working, sacrificial and ambitious- but who chose integrity and character even at the expense of her worthy personal dreams. She did fall in love with a Prince  (this is still Disney folks, not social commentary) but did so whilst he was a frog. It’s a good story. My personal negative: the Shadowman bugged me; I get bored of the spiritual component of some of the Disney villains, and I’m not convinced it’s necessary. And perhaps an opportunity was missed with Prince from a place that didn’t exist, or was the interracial relationship even more groundbreaking? Discuss.

I liked what my daughters saw.  The bad guy lost. The good girl won. Good choices, good character won. And Tiana was the ebony skinned star of the story. They don’t need a cartoon character to be a role model, their parents are ready for that job. But I love that as they grow up they see increasing amounts of diversity; in politics, in the Supreme Court, in commercials, and on the silver screen. Different won’t be so exotic or “other”; they’ll see themselves everywhere, and that matters.

Don’t underestimate the affirming power of simply what you can see.

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Fruitfulness – In Season

Recently I was talking to my sister about our difficult financial situation trying to work out if we had done something wrong and why when we had given in faith, so far we have not seen enough blessing returned to compensate it.  She shared with me from Psalm 1:1-3 which says:

‘Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.

But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.’

She commented on the fact that this tree, although evergreen, produced fruit not continually, but in season. And the fact that there are times that it does not produce fruit does not mean that its roots are not in the stream.

Does our negative bank balance mean that we are not rooted in the Lord? No, after much meditation and prayerful consideration I can tell you that is not the reason.  I don’t believe in a God who punishes us.  We have been faithful to his word and have been open-handed to the poor (Deut 24:12; Proverbs 28:27).

And when I look at why we are in financial problems it is not down to unwise decisions, but direct attacks on our finances: out of our control.  That tells me that the problem is not us, too.

God, in His Sovereignty, has so far decided that we are not quite ready to be fruitful in the area of our finances.  But He is faithful and does provide what we need.  We have had unaccounted-for money appear, we have had a week’s worth of food left in our kitchen and we were given costly medicines for free when we went to the doctors.

I refuse to believe that God is not faithful.  Instead, I choose to believe that God is pruning us and preparing us to be able to withstand the fruit He is going to bring – in season!

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Ebenezer

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Samuel took a single rock and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it “Ebenezer” (Rock of Help), saying, “This marks the place where God helped us.” 1 Samuel 7:12

The day is done. Thanksgiving is over.  We’ve had a day to look around the table and be grateful for what we have, to celebrate the goodness in our lives, to thank God.  But as the day wore on, Black Friday and its promise of mega bargains in the early hours of the morning moves us on. Before we know it we’re thinking of Christmas gifts and budgets and decorations and stuff and life all over again. Some shops even broke into the day itself, opening at 10pm Thanksgiving night with the promise of bargains worth leaving your pumpkin pie for.  Perhaps it’s a bizarre thought, but we need something more permanent than one holiday and an amazing meal to be thankful.

Samuel found a way to make something permanent out of a thankful moment. They understood the human condition; that it’s so much easier to remember and feel those bad times than the good. So he made an Ebenezer. It was a solid way (literally) to remember God, a physical point of reference. Whenever they looked at the rock, they were reminded of God’s goodness and greatness.

A huge rock may not exactly work for us today, but it’s great to find tangible ways to remember who God is, what he has done.  Not just the general things, but more pertinently the way God’s goodness and greatness has weaved its ways through the story of our lives. We need those reminders for the tough days, the mundane times, when temptations tantalize with a strangely rational appeal.

In our family we have an Ebenezer wall – where we gather the testimonies of each year with God. When life is challenging, I’ll be found there, poring over the photographs and cards that will tell me the God who stood with me then, stands with me now. In the good times when I pass by the wall – I’m reminded of whom to thank, and I’m humbled again. Our Ebenezer helps us to develop a thankful life.

How do you mark the place where God has helped you?

Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I’m come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood

(Robert Robinson 1757)

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Phenomenal

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

 

I love these opening words from “Phenomenal Woman” by Dr. Maya Angelou.  They’re rich and regal,  secure, with finesse rather than sass.  Maybe a little sass, but it’s stylish, so it’s allowed.  I don’t know what makes a woman phenomenal woman in your eyes. As I blogged a few weeks back, society makes much too much of our bodies and that the desire to be slim, is now the desire to be thin. Kate Moss’ motto “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” that caused such a furor, was apparently taken out of context. Still, I’m left trying to imagine what kind of diet Kate Moss (known for the “waif” look), would need to be on - other than one that  might include a lot more substantial roast dinners.

But it’s not just the body thing though is it, that pressurizes women. Its sex, its friendships, its family responsibility. It’s being the perfect mother, or having a great career. Having a stylish home. The list goes on. Cultural Analyst, marketing expert and author Clotaire Rapaille spent decades studying cultures, watching consumers, advising companies on how to design appealing products for the general public. He noted that American women are expected to be beautiful but not too beautiful; intelligent, but not too intelligent. If you have romance, then it has to be amazing, if you are going to be a mum, then you need to be supermom!

 Does this level of pressure produce phenomenal women, or overstretched, overcommitted, sometimes neurotic ones? Where do we see something of the inner confidence that resonates from Angelou’s words? Do you see it in your relationships when a friend, a sister gets the life you longed for? Is it evident in the midst of everyday ordinary life? Is it just poetry?

We know that being Christians does not mean that we no longer feel nor face the insecurities and mixed messages communicated to today’s women. But what difference does knowing Jesus, walking with Jesus make to your everyday life, your sense of worth and value, your acceptance of your strengths and weaknesses and limitations. What difference does our life with God make to as Angelou later writes to “the fire in my eyes”, “the sun in my smile” or “the grace of my style”?

I believe in Him, we find something… Phenomenal.

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Role Models

This week Oprah made international news this week by announcing that her show will end in 2011. I’ve got to admit, I was a little wistful about it. I’m not an avid Oprah watcher; in fact I’ve not watched her for years. But I love Oprah, because she’s been a role model.

Before you mention it, no I’m not into all the spirituality stuff .Yes, like every talk show, sometimes you wonder if it’s a bit exploitative, whether all that sharing is necessary. And maybe some are cynical about her influence in the publishing industry, or even the election. I’m sure there are a million things we could say. But I said she was a role model, not a Saviour; she didn’t need to be perfect. She just needed to be there.

In my teens I looked for role models, women of colour who were dark skinned, who were not dancers or singers or athletes. Not because there was anything wrong with those women; not at all. It was simply that just because I could dance, and sing and be sporty, it didn’t mean that was what I wanted to do with my life, and I didn’t like the idea when those roles were assumed to be my destiny. I didn’t want a stereotype. After school I watched a lot of TV, searching for a different ending. I found two particular women that stood out to me. Claire Huxtable and Oprah Winfrey – and Claire was a fictional character! So that left Oprah to inspire. I won’t sound like a devoted fan, because I barely remember any of her shows or comments. I just needed to see her that’s all; to see that she had reached beyond what was expected and assumed of her. It was good to see her there every day. The world is different today. My daughters see their skin tone in the White House and shout “Obama’s butterscotch like me!” and play on completely carefree. But then, Oprah was evidence that a way was being paved to make a different future possible.

 

When I am speaking and working, THE conversation I always have with young women (especially those who are leaders) is about mentoring. There are women looking, longing for role models. They don’t need us to be perfect, they need us to be present, loving the lord, living the life – wherever that might be. They need more than fictional or historical or even TV hosts, they need us.  Are we ready and available to make the time to raise up the next generation? Some of us are still waiting to be raised ourselves, and wait in hope. I wonder if it’s time to be intentional with this and start mentoring anyway…

Back to today, I stay wistful and thankful for the people whom by their life and example, bid me to push forward. Ms. Oprah Winfrey, I salute you.

Oprah

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Revolutionary Road

Last night we sat down to watch Revolutionary road. It’s a film set in 1950’s America’s , where a young couple  Frank and April Wheeler( played magnificently by Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet)  with full of high hopes and expectations  for their lives slowly, let eventually come undone, with  ultimately devastating consequences. 

Frank and April dreamed of being something and being “somebodies”. They felt and wanted to be different from everyone else. Yet as time went by, and life happened to them, they learned that they were, like everyone else, simply human and ordinary.  Frank might have been a dreamer once, but in the end he really was a corporate man like his father, and he didn’t want another adventure. April, who once planned to be an actress, but didn’t succeed, wrestled with the bubbling passion for more in her life, juxtaposed with the grinding sense of ambivalence and failure as mother. And the world she lived in seemed to suffocate her and deny her the world she longed for. The revelation broke them into a million pieces. Arguments ended up in relational cul de sacs, responsibilities bred resentment, and disappointments led to desperate selfish acts of infidelity, as if they were narcotics to numb the pain of seemingly futile lives.  April ultimate desperate act was to attempt to abort the unborn child that seemed to stand in the way of her dreams and their shared future, and the attempt cost her her life.

To me it was more than a great film, with some of my favorite actors. Even though it was set in a different era, there was something timeless about it’s explorations of life and relationships which I found made it staggeringly relevant in today’s culture.  It wasn’t just the revelation that not everyone’s dreams are fulfilled. Even in this age of American Idol, and lottery tickets to a new life, somewhere in us we still know that we can’t always get to do what we want. What got me in this film was this couple had to reckon with the fact that they weren’t who they thought they were or who they hoped each other would be, and they couldn’t find a way to deal with the textured, complexity of ordinary life. And extraordinary dream is one thing; you can shape and control your hopes and expectations, your relationships and responsibilities.

But ordinary life? Who has the emotional capacity, the mental rigor the physical energy for that? Who knows how to handle life? If we did we probably wouldn’t have half the Supernanny, What not to wear, how clean is your house type shows that disciple us on how to live, would we?  Perhaps we are rudderless, visionless, after all – we didn’t learn this kind of stuff in school or college. That was about what you were going to be when you grew up. Now we’re here we have to work out how to be grown up whatever our landscape looks like. We all need signposts to that road

There’s much more to say aRevolutionary Road picnd to think on this. In another post, I guess.

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