This weekend some women from the 3DM Family spoke at Chosen, a conference hosted by Seacoast Church in Charleston, South Carolina.  On Thursday Night, about 1000 women gathered together, ready to meet with God and hang out with one another. The experience did not disappoint.

There were many wonderful things about Chosen.  I loved the natural and comfortable diversity both in the room, and on the main stage.  There were women of different backgrounds and ethnicities sharing from the Bible, sharing from their lives. I loved the collective sound of women’s voices as they worshipped together. Hearts were open and hungry for more of God, and chosen was a safe place for hearts to be made whole and dreams to be born. I also loved the reality check that A21 gave us about human trafficking globally, but here in the US, in our day, on our watch. In response, the sisterhood took a stand, rolled up their sleeves got on their knees and began to wash the world’s feet…  with love and healing.

There were a sprinkling of  great men in room. Members of the production team, the worship band… serving, supporting their sisters. There were also some campus pastors, senior leaders and the senior pastor attending every session,  celebrating all that God was doing,  cheering for all the dreams and visions that God was releasing, encouraging women to be restored and empowered at the foot of the cross.

Alongside the wonderful opportunity to teach and share at Seacoast, it was great to spend a little time with some of my 3dm sisters.  There were car journeys, silly fast food, fun, Starbucks and shopping. At the end of each evening there were conversations.  Just woman to woman. Life on life, truth, faith, hope into the early hours of the morning.

Soon its Sunday lunchtime. I’m back in Torrance, seated in a restaurant with 3 wonderful women from my huddle. These women are leaders; they are the Josephs, or Daniels of our time, living out their call and ministry in the workplace. They’re influencers like Esther, positioned for such a time as this. But even calling gets complicated and tiring. It takes sacrifice and tenacity, because within our calling there’s the rest of life, marriage, kids, finances all with their own demands. These were women used to being there for everyone else, at work and at home. Who would be there for them? We needed to hear each other’s hearts, speak into each other’s lives, help one another carve a path of God filled simplicity through our complex lives.

This weekend reminded me of the sheer power of a sisterhood.  Of relationships that can grow beyond comparisons and competition and surface conversation. The sisterhood are humble enough not just to support one another,  but need one another, learn and be led by one another. They strengthen each other in God, they are a conduit for His healing hands. They share His wisdom, speak his love, comfort and truth.  They make a woman strong.

You need a sisterhood in your life. Fight for them, invest in them, sacrifice for them, make time for them. Open your heart to receive them. Because when you feel weak, worried or weary, your sisters help you carry on.

The Christmas decorations are fading into the background at our house; they feel a bit like clutter. We’ll pack them away tomorrow. The girls gave away their old toys without out a flicker of sentiment (Even Charlie and Lola. Could it be that I actually love their toys more than they do?). They play with their new toys for hours as though these toys are old friends. My hubby is immersed in a new book. Christmas may have 12 days, but for us, this bit looks remarkably like the rest of our lives… Yet amid the Christmas presents, the great meals, the fun times, there’s a bubbling excitement inside of me, almost to be point of giddy. We’re on the cusp of a New Year.

I love New Year’s Eve; I love New Year’s Day.

A New Year has always given me Hope. The past is now the past. Time has led my life to a new beginning, where things could be different. Things would be different.  I would never have to repeat that day, that month, that experience, because I couldn’t ever go back to that exact moment in time. I’d been given another chance, and I was determined to take it. My perspective has been tempered over the years . There are moments I’d love to go back and repeat, final conversations that I’d love to continue. Those memories make me wistful. But the Hope remains.

This year I’m aware of a Hope stealer; something that can pollute a new beginning. I’ve realized that to truly step into all that  2012 has in store, I’ve had to say goodbye to 2011. Yes, the past is in the past, unless you allow it to live on in your heart, unless you relive it in your mind. Yes, you have a new start. Unless the past casts a shadow that transcends time, distorting the beauty of a new day. Sometimes our best intentions for running into the future are tripped up because we run from facing our past. We’ll need to turn face some things in order to say goodbye.

The things we need to say goodbye to aren’t always hurts and wounds. It might be a habit, a comfort zone. They might be good things that we’ve simply outgrown.  How can I walk into the unknown with God whilst seated, no, embedded in the familiar? Time to say goodbye.

I drove to the beach the other day, ready to do business with God. Its funny how, standing on this beautiful beach, looking out onto the vast Pacific Ocean, I still find ways to argue with my Creator, but anyway. The praying began; the wrestle until the surrender. I drew a line in the sand, and the other side of the line waited for me to arrive. I know it sounds formal, and perhaps a little weird. But…I needed to say goodbye. It had to be my voice, expressing my choice. I know the outworking of our decisions can be a process – but what kind of life was I going to choose?

Would I choose bitterness, or would I choose grace? Would I choose hurt or would I choose wholeness? Would I choose comfort or would I choose calling? Would I choose fears or faith? Would my old habits hold me back, even the good ones, or would I let the Lord lead me forward? Is my life open still open to His guidance, His leading? There are many things in life that are much bigger than me, way beyond my control. Yet I do have responsibility for how I respond  to the opportunities and challenges that come my way. And I’d like to keep choosing life in all its fullness. I choose Him.

I stepped over the line, washed my feet in the ocean and said Goodbye to 2011. Walking back to the car there’s this bubbling excitement inside of me, almost to the point of giddy. Hope is back. Because it’s time to say hello to a New Year.

What do you need to say goodbye to as you enter a New Year?

When a Nashville friend of mine discovered Facebook – the first group she joined was entitled thus

“If you love a Southern woman raise your glasses; if you don’t, raise your standards.”

As I watched the Blind Side, that statement rang through my head repeatedly. The Blind Side recounts the true story of Michael Oher, now footballer for the Baltimore Ravens. Growing up in Memphis, Tennessee, Oher’s mother was a drug addict. He’d received little help or attention in his childhood, staying in a number of friends homes, and had been consistently passed on and ignored in the education system. His background bore the classic marks of a forgotten young man who could ultimately become a crime statistic.

Against social conventions, Sean Tuohy and his wife Leigh Anne took him in, and employed a tutor to help him secure his grades and eventually become Oher’s adoptive family. It’s an amazing story of how a family and Leigh Anne in particular  was prepared to fight for was needed, no matter how confrontational or uncomfortable for those involved – all for the sake of one young life. Leigh Anne (played by Sandra Bullock) was strong and assertive, warm, but not the kind of woman to be messed with. She wasn’t afraid to confront her friends’ bigotry, to ask difficult questions even of herself, to move from questions to action, to take in a stranger and raise him into a man and a son. Faith that is lived.

When you read interviews of Leigh Anne Tuohy in person, you see that Sandra Bullock captured her well. You’ve gotta love a Southern woman like that. Raise your glasses, indeed. 

Leaving the movie I reflected on how much investment people need to become all they were created to be, and how difficult it is when they are not given opportunity. Can we ever mentor without sacrifice? Can we invest in generation without a fight? And can we penetrate the broken communities of our cities, without inviting people into our lives, families, potentially even our homes? In Oher’s case, his life was transformed, with the help of people, teachers, friends, families who were prepared to be more than sympathetic, but were determined to get involved.

Who are we called to, where are we drawn to get involved?  Whose lives are we called to today?

Where does our faith live?

I am not into the Princess thing, but I have two preschool daughters so I am hardly going to avoid it. I’m just accepting it as a phase that too will pass. But it was a no brainer that I was taking them to see the Princess and the Frog.

I’d heard a few negatives about it actually. Why did the first African American Princess have to be the one turned into a Frog? Was the Prince not African American for a reason? How could it be set in New Orleans forgetting Katrina and all the racial politics within? Does it just play into old stereotypes and ignore reality?

It’s always difficult being the first, the one breaking new ground. The weight of expectations and longing, of righting perceived or real wrongs, the pressure to be definitive, to heal to communicate to represent can be immense. So much so that we can forget that its very presence IS a breakthrough, IS a success. We forget the transformative power found in simply by what we see.

So what did I see? I liked the New Orleans of the movie. Alongside the more nostalgic style of animation was a New Orleans of old; vibrant with music and hospitality, whilst still revealing the racial inequities of its time. I saw a young black woman who was vibrant, hard working, sacrificial and ambitious- but who chose integrity and character even at the expense of her worthy personal dreams. She did fall in love with a Prince  (this is still Disney folks, not social commentary) but did so whilst he was a frog. It’s a good story. My personal negative: the Shadowman bugged me; I get bored of the spiritual component of some of the Disney villains, and I’m not convinced it’s necessary. And perhaps an opportunity was missed with Prince from a place that didn’t exist, or was the interracial relationship even more groundbreaking? Discuss.

I liked what my daughters saw.  The bad guy lost. The good girl won. Good choices, good character won. And Tiana was the ebony skinned star of the story. They don’t need a cartoon character to be a role model, their parents are ready for that job. But I love that as they grow up they see increasing amounts of diversity; in politics, in the Supreme Court, in commercials, and on the silver screen. Different won’t be so exotic or “other”; they’ll see themselves everywhere, and that matters.

Don’t underestimate the affirming power of simply what you can see.

So I guess this is one of the more famous passages in the Bible about the Christian life.  One that is quoted often, usually in relation to discipline and it’s certainly helpful in that way. But I’ve been thinking about it a bit with a different slant.  My question has been ‘What is the race? What is the prize?’

I’ve concluded, for now, that it’s not a race to be the best Christian possible, it’s not a race to be the most ‘holy’, the most disciplined, to have the biggest ministry. Rather it’s a race to lay your life down for the sake of the Kingdom.  It’s one of those upside-down Kingdom things.  We’re not racing to be first but to be last (“But many who are the greatest now will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then“ Matt 19:30).  We run and discipline ourselves for the benefit of others, for the glory of the King and for people who don’t know God, for those who need Him and need us to play our part.

I think perhaps most fundamentally of all it’s a race to develop deep relationship with our heavenly Father.  Deep, in that it penetrates our whole lives and consequently gives birth to an abundance of Kingdom life.  Deep, because it goes beyond the surface, beyond the immediate issues or situations we face, and grows into a deep, lasting, immovable peace and joy, fuelled by the love of the Father.  The sort of relationship which sustains you in the face of grief, stress, uncertainty, hardship.

So, why are you running?  What is the prize set before you?  Run to win!

Matthew 11:28–30

This is one of those well worn passages that speaks again and again.

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest… who doesn’t identify with that diagnosis of the state of their lives sometimes? Wearied and burdened, by stresses, responsibilities, relationships.  Who doesn’t want a break sometimes? Jesus offer of rest speaks deeply to our souls. And it would be easy to end there, knowing that whenever we are overwhelmed, he gives us a way out.

But he offers us more, so much more than that.

Take my yoke upon you…

His rest does not mean life is void of responsibility.  We still have responsibilities and relationships that we’re invested, committed, yoked to. Only this time, they are the ones Jesus has called us to and with that given us the grace for. So it’s not a responsibility we’ve acquired because we’re unable to say no; nor is it a relationship we’re investing in out of people pleasing or co-dependence. His rest is a yoke that is easy. Not easy in the way we understand easy today (if we think that then we expect our God given relationships and responsibilities to be problem free – that is not what the text says!).  Here easy means custom made, well fitting – a yoke placed on us by Jesus himself. It’s interesting that there’s still a burden too, but a light one that can be carried.

Take my yoke upon you…

There’s an offer but we need to embrace it. We can’t take on His yoke whilst clinging to our own. We’ll need to let go first…

And learn from me…

This is what struck me the most this time around.  Jesus offers me more than a break and some “me time’.  He invites me into a new way to live. And I don’t even have to get it because it’s not something I achieve; instead I learn as I walk through life with him.

Everybody get’s overwhelmed at some point. All of us wish there was a map, a book, that helped us navigate dating, work, marriage, parenting. What I’m discovering as I explore this verse again, is no, I don’t have a blueprint for life. But I have One who gave me relationships and responsibilities, a yoke that fits and a burden that is light. And I have an invitation to walk with Him and learn how to do life in all its complexity, His Way.

Where is your focus?  As you go through life what is it that defines the way you see the world?  Colossians talks about setting our sights on the realities of heaven.  Often I forget this and get consumed and distracted by the realities of earth.  It’s so easy to do isn’t it?  The things right in front of us that need doing or attending to – the relationships, the work, the tasks, the just-getting-by.

But when our life becomes defined more by earthly things than by what God says we might begin to struggle.  The magazine that tells us we should be thinner vs. God saying we’re beautiful; the boss who demands greater achievement vs. God who says we don’t need to achieve anything to be acceptable to and loved by Him; the culture which says we need to consume and own things in order to fit in vs. God who says that real life is not measured by how much we own (Luke 12:15).

Setting our sights on the realities of heaven requires hope and faith – and we often feel it’s risky because heavenly realities are unseen.  But the more you get to know the nature of our Father and his character, the more that risk is easier to take and the easier it becomes to see things from God’s point of view.

Today let God show you where you’ve become more defined by an earthly reality rather than a heavenly one.  Agree with Him now to set your sights on the realities of heaven and to seek out what that means in your reality.

How do you navigate your way through the mad times? This summer has been one of those times! There have been fearful moments – the health scare, sitting in a doctor’s office wondering if a diagnosis was about to rock my world.  Then the moment a few days later when I discovered, no I’m fine, it’s fine.  And I realized how out of my control life is sometimes.  There have been wonderful opportunities, gifts   - things I couldn’t have wished for, because I can’t control even the things I desire. There have been struggles and disappointments too, hard stuff, when life presents those uncontrollable dilemmas.  Through it all I see the threads of battle and brokenness and blessing, that inevitable combination that I realize is an integral part of walking with God. So how do you respond?

I know how at times I’d like to respond. I know how sometimes I’m compelled to respond when I’m forced to face deep seated wounds and fears. And then I think of how God wants me to respond.

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” Ephesians 6: 13

This verse has so many incredible insights but it’s the very end of the sentence that has been on my mind: and after you have done everything, to stand.

When the prayers are prayed, the Scriptures are spoken, and the songs are sung, what then? When you have done everything you know, what does it mean to stand?

I wonder if it means different things at different times, depending on the battle. There are times when to stand has meant to speak up, other times it’s required silence.  This time I have the image of a marathon runner, just putting one foot in front of the other. Level and steady, no flash displays of athleticism, just doing what they’ve always known to do. They breathe properly and keep running.

And so that’s where I find myself right now. Just doing what I know to do; to pray, read the Bible, to worship, be in community, spread the gospel. I’ve no magnificent surge of faith or revelation.  When I’m bored, it’s one foot in front of the other. Overwhelmed or overjoyed, its one foot in front of the other.  Through the tears, its one foot in front of the other. I’m on His path, so I breathe in deeply, and I keep running

Last week, we looked at unfulfilled dreams, but the second part of Carter’s comments present a different kind of challenge. What happens when our dreams come true? What happens after ‘happily ever after’? And taking the idea out of fairytales and into our spiritual journey, what happens when your prayers are answered and God gives you the desires of your heart?

Some of us can articulate exactly what that prayer, that life longing, was. We prayed for a husband, or children, or a home. We prayed for healing, or freedom, or for a mighty breakthrough in some part of a wounded heart. For some it was career success, or a ministry opportunity.  And He answered with a resounding YES. Since that day, that time, we’ve been thankful and grateful and revelled in the blessing, we dived into our answered prayer, enjoying every moment.  Yet some of us, if we dare, admit we’ve also got a little bored, wondering why the thing we’d longed for for so long doesn’t satisfy us anymore. Others simply ask, what happens now?

It’s at this point we realise that an answered prayer was never the ultimate goal, it was only the beginning. There is life with God beyond the answer. So now that you’re married, what is God saying to you about your marriage? Now you have those much longed for children, what does He say about raising them? Now the prayers have fallen into place – what does He say now? Has it built our faith and strengthened us on our journey? Or have we revelled in the gifts we’ve been given so much that we’ve forgotten to reconnect with the Giver?

What I love about this quote is the salutary reminder that, wonderful though it is, there is more to life than our personal dreams coming true. It reminded me that thankful though I am, there is more to life than getting the life that I always wanted. There is still a Great Commission, there is still a broken world of hurt, there is a role to play.

We could continue to dream, but perhaps the thing to do is live. So if your prayers have been answered, celebrate! And with the strength and faith that has built up through that answered prayer, with the confidence in God that has grown because of his goodness in your life, pursue Him again. And listen out for what He wants for your life on the next stage of the Great God Adventure.

Rosalyn Carter (wife of President Jimmy Carter) wrote: “If we have not achieved our early dreams, we must either find new ones or see what we can salvage from the old. If we have accomplished what we set out to do in our youth, then we need not weep like Alexander the Great that we have no more worlds to conquer. There is clearly much left to be done and whatever else we are going to do, we had better get on with it.”

I found this quote incredibly profound, and have been reflecting upon it for the past 24 hours or so. It addresses the question of what you do after the dream has gone. Is there life after disappointment? Is there life after fulfillment?

What happens when life doesn’t go the way you hoped? With the relationship that didn’t work out, the career that didn’t materialize, the child that never came? I’ve often had a one track mind with destiny; I knew what I was going for, felt called to and that was it. Life teaches me that my journey is far more textured than that.  It requires more flexibility to go with the twists and turns that inevitably come my way. I have to admit, that’s not a natural thing for me. Some of that is just my personality. Some of it is that sometimes, if I feel God’s in something, my dreams become my plans, my ideas become my rights.  He’s my God, so why is this happening to me? And I have to remind myself that a relationship with God is not a slot machine where you pop a prayer to get the desired outcome. He’s not my Horoscope in the back of a magazine where I am told what is meant to be and all I have to do is sit and let it happen. Life, people, me – we’re all way more messy than that.

So what do we do after the dream has gone? The thing that challenged me in Rosalyn Carter’s words is that she had the integrity to admit that dreams do die, and they don’t come back. Sometimes it really is over – though I can’t count how many times I have pushed and fought for a dream gone sour….Still she says we must take the best of the old if possible, or even find a new dream. We know that’s not an easy process. There is grieving when a dream dies, sorrow, anger, confusion. But her words suggest that there’s hope, there’s life beyond the death of a dream, that we can choose to dream again, rather than live in a cynical no man’s land defined by disappointment, confusion and frustration.

I used to think the most faith filled thing was to hold on to the dream. Fight for it in our hearts with all we have. Never let it go, never let it die. These days I think, after the dream has gone, the most faith filled, courageous thing we can do is to admit it. Then let go of the dream and cling with all we have left to Jesus. And then, possibly the scariest step of all – begin to move on into the future. Because where our faith is concerned, death is not the end, it is the start of new life.

“I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even though they die” John 11:25

More on this next week in Part 2…